THE ALL AMERICAN

DILDOS ANONYMOUS

  • $39.99


Show you care, send a dildo... Anonymously 

Not only will the beneficiary receive “The All American” dildo, they will also get the official "Dildo Lovers" certificate with any name on it!

 

Who should get a dildo? 

  • A Politician
  • Your Ex Boyfriend called “Derek” or “Chad”
  • Uncle Sam/The IRS
  • The Westboro Baptist Church
  • Your neighbors Pam & Roger  
  • That one friend that could use some more American in them
  • Brothers/Sisters/Mothers/Fathers... Even Granny 

 

The All American Dildo features

  • American flag pattern covering the entire dildo 
  • Smooth and flexible shaft with enlarged head girth
  • Powerful suction cup base
  • 100% phthalate free silicone
  • Strap on harness compatible 
  • Length: 6.7 inches (17 cm)
  • Girth: 4.5 inches (11 cm)
  • Insertable length: 6.0 inches (15 cm)
  • Weight: 7.4 ounces (210 g)

 

Can put any name on the certificate?

YES! Just let us know in the "Special instructions for seller" section at checkout. If left blank, the name will match the one on the shipping info. Please remain within 30 characters.

FREE EXPEDITED SHIPPING - The dildo should arrive within 2-7 business days. We only ship within North America. 

*IMPORTANT - Remember to add the correct shipping address and not your own! (Unless you're a real patriot/dildo lover in which case please do send it to yourself). The shipper will be marked as Dildos for Patriots and the packaging will boast a big sticker saying, “LUCKY YOU, SOMEONE SENT YOU A BIG DILDO”. A signature upon delivery may be required. In other words, it's not a mistake you want to make. 

If you order in bulk, we ship each dildo individually! Imagine a politician receiving 50+ individually boxed dildos in the mail...

Colors & patterns may vary slightly*

 

Terms and Conditions

We may be required by law to disclose the order contents and/or the buyer information of a purchase. We are not liable if your order is seized, levied for tariffs or stolen. If we become aware of such a situation we will do our best to resolve it. Our products may not be used to intentionally harass, intimidate or defame individuals or an organisation.

If the name requested on the certificate or the shipping address is deemed racist or too inappropriate your order will be refunded.

No refunds. However, if an issue arises we will do our best to remedy the situation.

Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older.

We cannot guarantee the receiver will accept the package. We are not responsible for this. If an unclaimed package is returned to us and you would like to try sending it again, please contact us and for the additional cost of shipping we can resend the package. If a package is returned to us, it is your responsibility to contact us within 30 days. This situation does not qualify for a refund.

By placing your order, you are acknowledging that you have read and agree to our terms and conditions listed above.

     

    If you have any questions you can contact us below.


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